


Coming Out - A Howitzer Coda

by spacebuck



Series: Howitzer [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Coda, Hockey, M/M, unlikely to make sense on it's own tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:25:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebuck/pseuds/spacebuck
Summary: A deleted scene from year 5 of Howitzer.Steve gets interviewed by ESPN





	Coming Out - A Howitzer Coda

**Author's Note:**

> This fits in a few months after Steve's press conference in which he comes out.
> 
>  
> 
> [and a visual](https://spacebuck.tumblr.com/post/163300191429/cevansnewsbeard-appreciation-and-a-life-advice)

Steve sat. Perched, really. There were people everywhere, skittering around as they put the final touches to the lights. There was a woman standing in front of him, tapping the thin handle of a makeup brush against her chin as she appraised him.

 He opened his mouth to speak, and she gave him a wry smile. “If you’re going to ask if you have to, the answer is yes.” She at least sounded apologetic. Steve sighed, tipping his head back. There was the gentle drag of brushes over his skin, and he didn’t protest, could barely feel whatever she was putting on him. “At least you’re groomed,” She said conversationally, dragging a finger along the edge of his whiskers, wiping whatever smear of makeup she’d collected onto the rag hanging out of her pocket. “You have no idea how many guys can’t even keep their own facial hair neat.”

Steve snorted, not doubting her in the slightest. “Do you just do this sort of setup, or do you work with other companies too?” The young woman paused, looking almost surprised at the question. “I mainly work with the photographer, and _he_ mainly does his work for the sports mags. I’ve dabbled here and there though.”

“Who’s the worst?” Steve asked, before gesturing at himself. “To work on, I mean.”

She paused, then tapped the brush against his jaw. "NFL players,” she said after a second, grinning. “Followed by you hockey guys, no offense.” She was smiling as she said it, before finishing up with a step back, and a nod. “Have you ever done an interview like this?”

Steve shook his head once he knew her hands were clear, before closing his eyes at the makeup artist’s gesture. He felt a cool spray against his face. “This is setting spray, and should keep everything together, However the lights get hot, so whenever you stop for a break I’ll have to come in and check on it, make sure you’re not leaving half of it on your collar,” She said with a grin. “Otherwise, you’re good to go.”

“Thank you…” Steve started, before frowning just a little. “I’m sorry, I don’t have your name?”

The woman looked mildly surprised, like she hadn’t expected him to ask. “Wanda.”

He smiled, held out a hand, and after a bit of reshuffling of her brushes, Wanda took it, shook it with a returning smile.

“Thank you, Wanda. Hopefully I wasn’t too bad to work with,” he added with a grin, and she waved him off.

“Stop fishing for compliments,” she retorted, laughing, as Maria stuck her head around the barrier that had been set up.

"Steve, they’re ready for you.”

 

**

It was more fussing, more primping, before people left him alone on the couch. Steve leaned back until he hit the leather, arms draping over the back of the couch. After a minute the journalist dropped into the seat in front of him, smiling.

“Hi again,” Phil said, and Steve couldn’t help but laugh. “Wanda treat you well?”

Steve nodded, sat up a little straighter as the cameras were moved into place. “Yeah, she was great.” Before he could say anything more, Phil nodded back.

“Good, okay, we should get started so we don’t hold you up any longer than we need to.” Steve sighed, reluctant but knowing it was for the best. “We are recording this, as agreed, but primarily for a transcript. If we plan on using it, we’ll let your team know before we do anything with it. I’ve already given the questions to your agent, and she’s approved them, but for obvious reasons we haven’t given them to you. Are you ready?”

Steve shifted a little in his seat, jeans squeaking a little against the leather. “Yes. Let’s do this.”

The first questions were rote, setting everything up. _How do you feel about the season_ and _how did you get into hockey_ and _tell me a little about your childhood_. Then, the questions shifted to the reason the interview was happening in the first place.

“So,” Phil said, folding his hands over one of his knees. Steve leaned back in response, sagging a little bit into the seat. Waiting. “Your coming-out didn’t go exactly to plan. Can you tell me what happened?”

Steve wet his lips, took a breath. “There’s nothing much to it, really. A few teammates and I were out for drinks after practice, and I headed to the bathroom. A guy took exception to another man near him, started yelling and ranting and raving, looking like he was going to get physical. No one else stepped in, so I did.” They both knew what had happened next, the entire encounter recorded by a bystander, posted on twitter within minutes. Steve shrugged a shoulder. “While I’m sorry for the inconvenience that caused the Avs's PR team, I’m not sorry for doing it.”

“How did your team react?” Was the next question, Phil’s eyes a little too sharp for Steve’s comfort.

“Honestly, they already knew. Gabe – Gabe Landeskog – is a You Can Play ambassador, and the team was behind the effort to be more inclusive even before they signed me, before they found out. So while it was nervewracking to tell them, I’d done it maybe a month before that incident in the bar. They’ve been nothing but supportive, and I’m incredibly grateful for that. The guys, and the behind the scenes team, the administrative staff and the execs, they’ve all been really good about it.”

A nod, and Steve shifted a little in his seat, trying to exude confidence and not sure he was succeeding.

“Has it made much of a difference to your day-to-day? Games and practices?”

Steve couldn’t help the short laugh at that. “I was already doing my day-to-day as a bisexual man, because my identity is part of me, so other people knowing about it didn’t really change too much. I get more contact from other people in the community though, either other players of any level or fans. I know how it feels to have no one in your corner, so I’m glad I could be an advocate for those people in some way.”

Phil paused, glancing over his shoulder before nodding. “We’ll take a quick break, if that’s good with you? Five minutes.”

Steve nodded, slumping into the chair for a second, two, before pushing to his feet. Maria appeared at his elbow, holding out a water bottle. The PR agent, a sharp-eyed man named Leo, wandered over as well, looking pleased. “You’re doing well,” he said as Steve took a draught from the bottle, half-draining it in one go. “There are a few more personal questions coming up. You’re well within your right to refuse to answer, or to answer vaguely, or to lead the question away.”

Steve nodded, and it felt like he’d barely blinked before the bottle was being removed from his hand, and Wanda was in front of him with a soft sponge, touching up bits of makeup here and there. Then she was gone again, and he was sitting in front of Phil once more.

“So,” the man started, and Steve steeled himself for the worst. “You were close friends with James Barnes in college, and you’ve stayed friends through your careers. As the first openly out NHL player, and one of the few openly out players in professional sports in the USA, how did he react to your coming out?”

Steve blinked, then laughed. “He called me, chewed me out for being an idiot, almost verbatim with my mother. Not for coming out, or for doing what I did, but for ruining the PR team’s hard work – they’d been planning a more … formal coming out announcement. He’s been a lifesaver though, he went through it all when he signed with Arizona so he really helped me get through everything.”

“Did he know already?” Phil prompted, and Steve couldn’t help but grin.

“Yeah, he’s known since college.”

“And the rest of your college teammates?”

Steve shook his head, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I never told them. Didn’t want it to affect my chances of being signed, because the NHL isn’t … known for its inclusivity. A few of them had an inkling, or so they tell me now, but no one knew for certain.”

“Do you regret that?” A cutting question, making him pause, take a breath, weigh up his words as he answered.

“No. As much as my friends would have supported me, I wasn’t ready. They know that, and they know that it wasn’t because of anything to do with distrust of them, or anything like that. Coming out is something you have to prepare yourself for, and be ready to be doing for pretty much the rest of your life. It’s a hard thing to work yourself up to.”

Steve could almost see the anticipation in Phil’s expression as he opened his mouth again, and he couldn’t help but tense a little. “You mentioned in your press release,” Phil started, and that didn’t help Steve relax any more. “That you had a long term partner. If you don’t mind me asking, how long is ‘long’? How has he taken everything that’s happened?”

Steve pursed his lips a little, something that didn’t escape Phil’s attention by his expression. “We’re coming up on four years now, we met in college. He’s been very supportive of it all, even as he’s been exasperated with the way it all happened – just like everyone else in my life it seems,” Steve tagged the end bit on, grinning, and relaxed a little at the returning smile from Phil.

“Is he involved with hockey?”

Steve paused. “You could say that,” he said before he could think about the implications, but Phil had caught the thread and began to tug.

“He is? Is that how you met?”

“Yeah,” Steve said after a second, scrambling for something to say and hoping it wasn’t showing on his face. “He was involved with the team, we met that way, became friends.”

“Any hints on who he is, or does he prefer to be out of the spotlight?”

And there it was, the question Steve had been dreading. He glanced over to where Maria and Leo were standing, and neither of them looked very happy. He had no doubt that that question hadn’t been on the question list they’d received. Steve took a breath, let it out slowly, before caving a little. “I’d have to ask him.” He slid his hand in his pocket, pulled out his phone, saw the way Maria’s eyes narrowed at him across the room. He paused, waiting her out, before she nodded slightly, then turned to say something to Leo.

Steve held up his phone, raised an eyebrow at Phil, who looked like he’d just realised the size of the scoop he was getting. After a go-ahead nod, Steve unlocked his phone, called Bucky.

His boyfriend answered with an amused, “ _W_ _ell that was quick,_ ” and Steve responded with a smile on his face.

“I have a question to ask you,” he said, and there wasn’t even a pause at the other end of the line.

“ _We’re having pasta for dinner, and yes I used the wine you bought last time you were here._ ”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, leaning back into the leather chair again. “No, different question, but thanks for the update,” he said, and when Bucky just prompted him with a curious little hum, he asked. “Would you be adverse to me telling the journalist? About you?”

A pause, as Bucky’s mind turned, and then, quiet, “ _Steven Grant Rogers are you in the interview still?_ ”

“Maybe,” Steve answered, not even attempting to make the lie convincing.

“ _I’m gonna kick your ass, that’s rude,”_ Bucky responded, before saying, “ _Do you want to tell him?”_

“He asked!” Steve couldn’t help but protest, eyes flicking to Phil, who looked mildly confused. “I do. Want to, I mean. But only if you’re okay with me doing it.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Bucky responded instantly. “ _If you want it, then do it. Go with your gut, Stevie._ ”

Steve sighed softly, then murmured his agreement, before ending the call with a soft “See you soon.”

He hung up, and there was an eerie silence in the room, with all eyes on him. Skimming his memory back to the actual question, Steve swallowed, then steeled himself.

“He doesn’t mind being in the spotlight, no. Kinda unavoidable given he’s another NHL player.”

Phil’s eyes bugged out a little at that, before he visibly reigned himself in, and opened his mouth. At first, nothing came out, and then, finally, “He is? Is that why you’ve been so quiet about him?”

Steve blinked. “No, he’s already out publicly. Bucky’s not one to let something like the NHL stop him from being himself. We kept quiet because frankly our relationship is our own.”

All eyes in the room were already on him, but Steve was suddenly aware of their weight. He held Phil’s gaze, straightened his shoulders a little, and raised an eyebrow. Phil, on the other hand, was floundering. Steve waited him out.

“So you’re telling me that the long term partner you’ve been talking about has been the Coyotes’ James Barnes this entire time?”

Steve couldn’t help but snort, tip his head a little to the side. “Well, if it hadn’t been the whole time he wouldn’t be very long term would he?” Finally, as Phil turned decidedly pink, Steve felt like he might actually have the upper hand in this interview.

“After the press conference, when you officially came out, you were seen leaving with someone. That was him?”

Despite the obviousness of the question, Steve sighed answered a little more nicely after spotting the glare Leo was sending his way. “Yeah, that was him. He’d flown up that morning, had been planning on coming up anyway since we were both officially out of the running for the cup. “

“How come no one worked out it was him?”

Steve snorted. “Well, he has this odd ability to hide in plain sight. People knew he was there, but all the photos were at just the wrong angle, and he was walking a little too close to me for people to really get a good look at him.”

A squint, as though Phil was trying to read more into what Steve was saying. “Why didn’t you choose to announce it then? Or at any point before now?”

Steve rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, adjusted himself in his seat. “Because,” he started, trying to find the words. “He was already out. I didn’t want people coming after him because he’d ‘turned me gay’ or anything. I was bisexual before I met him, and I still am, he didn’t ‘turn me’ anything. But people blame who they want to blame, see what they want to see.”

“Are you afraid of that happening now?”

Steve gave Phil, and the camera behind him, a wry little smile. “Honestly, yes. But we’ve talked about it before, and ultimately it’s his choice, I can’t make that sort of choice for him. If he wants to risk it, then that’s his decision. I have to make sure I’m making up for whatever happens, make sure I’m worth it for him.” He licked his lips, looked at his lap before letting out a breath. “Honestly though, it’s a relief. To be able to talk about him, and not have to pretend that I’m not completely head over heels for him.”

Phil raised an eyebrow at that, smiled. “It sounds like that was difficult?”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, shaking his head slightly. “You have no idea, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do,” he responded with a grin.

Phil smiled wider at that, checking his watch before leaning forward. “One last question – do you have anything to say to the LGBT+ athletes and fans out there who are struggling, who aren’t able to be themselves for whatever reason?”

Biting his lip, Steve stopped, trying to work out what he would have liked to hear, what would have helped him. “Firstly, I’m proud of them. It’s not easy to hold it in, even when it’s the safest option. The most important thing is, though, to look out for yourself. When you’re ready, if you’re ready, you won’t be alone. But, honestly, whatever makes you happy – do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> [find me on tumblr](http://spacebuck.tumblr.com)


End file.
